T H E L I F E  and  O P I N I O N S O F T R I S T R A M  S H A N D Y, Gent. ________________________________ C H A P. I. ---- ``I Wish, Dr. Slop,'' quoth my uncle Toby (repeating his wish for Dr. Slop a second time, and with a degree of more zeal and earnestness in his manner of wishing, than he had wish- ed it at first *) ---- `` I wish, Dr. Slop,'' quoth my uncle Toby, ``you had seen what ``prodigious armies we had in Flanders.''     * Vid. Vol. II, p. 159.              A 3              My [ 6 ]   My uncle Toby's wish did Dr. Slop a disservice which his heart never intended any man, ---- Sir, it confounded him -- and thereby putting his ideas first into confusion, and then to flight, he could not rally them again for the soul of him.   In all disputes, --- male or female, --- whether for honour, for profit, or for love, -- it makes no difference in the case ; -- nothing is more dangerous, madam, than a wish coming sideways in this unexpect- ed manner upon a man : the safest way in general to take off the force of the wish, is, for the party wished at, instantly to get up upon his legs -- and wish the wisher something in return, of pretty near the same value, --- so balancing the account upon the spot, you stand as you were -- nay sometimes gain the advantage of the attack by it.                           This [ 7 ]   This will be fully illustrated to the world in my chapter of wishes. ----   Dr. Slop did not understand the nature of this defence ; ---- he was puzzled with it, and it put an entire stop to the dis- pute for four minutes and a half ; ---- five had been fatal to it : -- my father saw the danger ---- the dispute was one of the most interesting disputes in the world, `` Whether the child of his prayers and endeavours should be born without a head or with one :'' ---- he waited to the last moment to allow Dr. Slop, in whose behalf the wish was made, his right of re- turning it ; but perceiving, I say, that he was confounded, and continued look- ing with that perplexed vacuity of eye which puzzled souls generally stare with, ---- first in my uncle Toby's face ---- then in his --- then up --- then down --- then              A 4              east [ 8 ] east ---- east and by east, and so on, ---- coasting it along by the plinth of the wainscot till he had got to the opposite point of the compass, -- and that he had actually begun to count the brass nails upon the arm of his chair ---- my father thought there was no time to be lost with my uncle Toby, so took up the discourse as follows.