PARODIES
 
LETTERS
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II
III
IV
V VI
VII VIII
IX
X

 

 
L. STERNE,
LETTERS TO ELIZA (1767),
LETTER V
ANONYMOUS,
LETTERS FROM ELIZA TO YORICK (1775),
LETTER V
 

[20]

To whom shou'd Eliza apply in
her distress, but to her friend
who loves her; why then, my dear,
do you apologize for employing
me?

Yorick wou'd be offended, and
with reason, if you ever sent commis-
sions to another, which he cou'd execute
--- I have been with Zumps ---and
firstyour piano-forte must be tun'd from
the brass middle string of your guitar,
which is C. --- I have got you a ham-
mer too, and a pair of pliars to twist
your wire with; and may every one
of them, my dear, vibrate sweet com-

                     fort


[21]

 

fort to my hopes! I have bought you
ten handsome brass screws to hang your
necessaries upon: I purchas'd twelve,
but stole a couple from you, to put
up in my own cabin, at Coxwauld ---I
shall never hang or take my hat off one
of them, but I shall think of you ---I
have bought thee, moreover, a couple
of iron screws, which are more to
be depended on than brass, for the
globe ---

I have wrote also to Mr. Abraham
Walker, pilot at Deal, to acquaint
him that I had dispatched these in a
packet directed to his care, which I
desir'd he wou'd seek after, the mo-
ment the Deal machine arrives --- I

             C3             have


[22]

have moreover, given directions to him,
what sort of an armchair you wou'd
want, and have directed him to purchase
the best that Deal cou'd afford, and
take it with the parcel in the first
boat that went off --- Would, I cou'd,
Eliza, thus supply all thy wants, and
all thy wishes! it would be a state of
happiness to me ---

The journal is as it should be, all
but its contents ---

Poor dear, patient being! I do
more than pity you, for I think I lose
both firmness and philosophy, as I fi-
gure to myself your distresses ---

                     Do



[23]

Do not think I spoke last night
with too much asperity of ***; there
was cause; and besides, a good heart
ought not to love a bad one, and in_
deed cannot. But, adieu to the ungrate_
ful subject---

I have been this morning to see Mrs.
James; she loves thee tenderly and
unfeignedly; she is alarm'd for thee;
she says thou lookedst most ill and me-
lancholy on going away; she pities
thee--- I shall visit her every Sunday
while I am in town ---

As this may be my last letter, I
earnestly bid thee farewell! may the
God of kindness be kind to thee, and

                     approve



[24]

approve himself thy protector now
thou art defenceless! and for thy daily
comfort, bear in thy mind this truth,
"Tthat whatever measure of sorrow
and distress is thy portion, it will be
repaid to thee in a full measure of hap-
piness, by the Being thou hast wisely
chosen for thy eternal friend --- Farewell,
farewell, Eliza, whilst I live, count upon
me, as the most disinterested and warm
of earthly friends.

YORICK.

 

 

[26]

MY BRAMIN,

I FIND myself better to-day,
my head is easier.

     Accept my grateful thanks -- make
them accettable to Mr. and Mrs. James --
for the concern you have all had upon
my account -- my overflowing heart
thanks ye -- though my expressions are
too weak to describe its feelings.

     You have certainly been misinformed
-- I cannot think the ***family really
merit the asperity with which you men-
tioned it -- I cannot think ill of my being,
without having had some occasion -- I
would not wish to live a slave to suspi-
cion -- that were to be miserable indeed --
I am sensible, my Bramin would not

                     con-


[27]

conceive a hard opinion of any one, with-
out some grounds -- but he may have
been deceived -- his good heart may have
been too open to the designing -- and the
***s miseprepresented.

     I must be exceedingly troublesome
to you -- I want your assistance to execute
a few commissions -- excuse your Eliza
-- she cannot take that freedom -- she can-
not trust any person else.

     I must intreat, that you would pro-
cure directions from Mr. Zumpe, in
what manner I am to time any piano-
forte -- as I design it to be my harmoni-
ous companion, during voyage.

     I should be glad of about a dozen
brass screws, to put up my cabin, as
conveniences to hang ant thing upon.

             D2             I


[28]

     I must have a proper journal book, to
amuse myself, in minuting the particu-
lars of my voyage.

     An arm chair will likewise be useful
to me.

     Be kind enough to send any parcel
for me to the address of Mr. Abraham
Walker, pilot at Deal.

     Though my health improves, I am
not entirely at ease in my mind -- but let
me not give pain to the heart tha feels
too much for me.

     My warmest affections to Mrs. James,
-- she is a dear creature -- my respect to
Mr. James -- heaven bless them both --
may thy smiles of health and prosperity
attend them.

                     God



[29]


     God is my eternal friend, to him I
look for protection, and while I breathe
the air of morality, my regards are on
you -- you are my adviser -- my monitor
-- my better genius -- may our recipro-
cal affections continue pure and un-
changed, till the dissolution of our frail
beings -- and if an intercourse is allowed
between spirits of the departed, may
we enjoy that exalted -- that refined, e-
therial rapture -- which the ardent sera-
phins know, while glowing with the
emanations of their eternal Creator.

     Maysest thou enjoy uninterrupted hap-
piness, till angel of death wings thee
to theregions of bliss,

                                          Adieu,

                ELIZA

                                                               Dear





 

 
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